Mari Musings

Last January, I started working on a painting of Clover using shojo illustrations as my inspiration. I studied and referenced several CLAMP paintings while working on it. After about a month of working on and off, I decided it was finished. I'm not sure what my thought process was in deciding I was done with it. I had finished the line work, the second pass of rendering, the background... Perhaps I was sick of looking at it and wanted to move onto something else. Either way, this is what it looked like in February when it was 'done.'

It's pretty, and I like it. But even at the time, I knew it could be better. I knew that I my painting skill could go beyond the 'finished' state, but I stopped pushing myself. I'm not sure why.

Several months, a couple paintings, and hundreds of sketches later, I started thinking about the techniques of the Renaissance master painters. I don't remember what lead to this train of thought, but it was a key point of discovery in my journey as an artist. The father of the Renaissance, Leonardo da Vinci, would work on his paintings over a number of years. There are several reasons for this such as the time consuming nature of sfumato, his work aside from painting, and da Vinci was a perfectionist. I notice in my own work that I dislike the idea of returning to a painting after starting something new. I have gigbytes of abandoned files with hours of work spent on them that I simply leave to digitally rot in my computer. When working on a piece, I push myself to 'finish' because I know, consciously or not, that if I move onto something else, the painting will never be done. After casually reading about da Vinci's work, I remembered that painting in January I was done with, though not quite satisfied with.

I opened the file again and examined my work with fresh eyes. Of course, with distance, it's much easier to see areas of improvement objectively. My first 'finished' version of that painting is pretty, but it lacks contrast. It needs better lighting to show the viewer where they need to look. The clouds are aimlessly placed, lacking direction and composition. The lace trim I hastily placed last-minute cheapen the painting, and it's easily the weakest point. It's just distracting. This isn't self flagellation – it's honest self critique of a painting that I was proud of. Everyone has room for improvement.

Sometime in October, I started fiddling around with the painting again, and about a month ago, I 'finished' it again.

Much better.

I'm pleased with my improvements. If I were to go back and change anything, I would blur the edges of her wings and the back layer of her hair to allow for more depth. I could also probably push the contrast a bit more.

Overall, I'm happy to have identified this habit I have in my art, and I'm think I'm a better artist by challenging it. Plus, it's fun to take my work to the next level, even if the changes are subtle. ♥

Hello, everyone! I'm FINALLY blogging again... so crazy. I've wanted to change my blogging system for some time now, and I've experimented with a few different things. Previously I used Zonelets for blogging, which is great for beginner web developers, especially those who don't have access to server side languages and databases like PHP and MySQL. However, I found Zonelets to be tedious to update alongside my RSS feed which was also manual at the time. While never going live, I ported all of my posts to a fork of Zonelets called Zonelots which has a few more features than Zonelets. However, I ran into the same issue – it's so damn tedious to update a static site blog like that.

Of course, that isn't the only barrier I've had to blogging, but my hope is that my shiny new bloggin CMS will encourage me to use it more. I looked at forks of WordPress such as ClassicPress, but I ultimately decided that it's a little more involved than I'd like. This is just a simple blog, and I want to be casual with it. I played around with the idea of building my own rudimentary frontend, too. After doing some research, I think that is a bit too far above my skill level for now. I have only just started flirting with PHP and server side shenanigans.

I looked through my friends' and peers' sites for inspiration. I love Mala's diary, and she has seemingly upgraded it recently. I'm not sure if she built her own framework or not, but I love how it's set up. My favorite part about her entries is how she documents her real life adventures. For some reason, reading her entries gives me a certain sense of melancholy I can't put my finger on.

I like Lapin's simple approach. I think both her microblog and diary are just one page each, where she adds a new div for each entry. Of course, her web design is fantastic and I love reading her entries. I'm also a nerdy, OC-obsessed, ""boring"" office lady living with my not-husband. I find her really entries relatable.

I finally found one what I was looking for after rereading Krish's blog posts. I love how thought-out and deeply, existentially personal Krish's blog entries are. They are also one of the most resourceful people I know on the small web. If I ever need something, Krish always has just the answer. Their blog is how I found Chyrp Lite, my current CMS.

My only complaint about Chyrp Lite so far is that it's difficult to customize. Thankfully, it comes with several nice default themes, but making my own has been a challenge. My current theme as of writing this is really just a re-skin of the Blossom theme. I've managed to change the colors and borders; however, after hours of trying yesterday, I wasn't able to add any other images or links to my sidebar... yet. The draw of hosting a website and building/editing code and systems on my own is learning something new. It gives me a sense of accomplishment and confidence in myself that's valuable in all areas of my life. It may take me some time, but I can and will learn how Chyrp works – just like how I figured out Zonelets three years ago.

Regarding the future of my blog, I'm inspired by the way darling Aid runs her microblog. For awhile, she was posting little snippets of what was going on in her life. They weren't grand essays with citations and worldly implications... (most of the time). The beauty of Aid's blog is that it's so casual and personal, showing her interests and fleeting, unfinished projects. I simply love reading it! I also love that she uses it as a 'feed' of sorts for her new art. I always felt like putting my new drawings in my gallery was a bit unceremonious. I miss the days of deviantArt where it was expected to have a lot to say about my art, and a blog is the perfect place for it. I had never considered or even seen anyone use it like that before. Cheers to Aid! (And Sylvie and Rock Grandpa ♥).

I want to figure out how to have different 'types' of images in this blog, like different CSS classes. So far, all my images are aligned in the center which is what I want most of the time... But I like to use 'emoji' images as well, which is to say small images that do not break the line. If anyone has any advice on how to do this in Chyrp flavored markdown/the CSS, I am all ears.

Time to go eat some ham, it's Thanksgiving here in the states. ♥

Currently

Mood: Calm

Listening to: My boyfriend play Arc Raiders

Reading: What Lies Beyond the Veil - Harper L. Woods

Watching: the gronch (2000)

Playing: Skyrim (2011)

As a webmistress that dedicates so much of my site to gaming, it's only apt that I use Doom as a metaphor for how my life is falling apart at the seams. Which is, of course, dramatic, but I've been gone for a long time fighting demons — guts, and all. That's about as theatrical as it gets. The voyeurs of my life want blood, dammit!

This last year I've grown up a lot, but I'm tired. I've been struggling a lot for a long time now, and it feels like every time I overcome one obstacle, there's a bigger, meaner one lurking just around the corner. How many demons can one Doom Guy fight before being swallowed up whole?! I seriously feel like the next thing that goes wrong in my life will eat me for dinner.

I am in a mammoth size suffering to coping cycle. I'm doing my best to be skillful and mature. I try to find peace in small moments like singing while I cook dinner or feeling the evening sun on my skin. I take the time to be grateful for what's going well in my life — I have my own place to live, I have a good job, and I don't worry about when my next meal will be. These are all worries that used to haunt me, but now, I am in a place where I no longer have to worry. If I don't stop to appreciate the small things and my other victories in life, I will succumb to the stress and the pain. We can't have that! There are people who rely on me.

I've written about how toxic positivity is an issue for me in the past, and it continues to be both my sword and shield. I focus on the sun above me to keep my head above the water. But too much sunshine will blind me. Sometimes it's challenging to accept how hard things are. I like to be strong and deal with my struggles alone, though I know logically that's an ineffective way of going about it.

I try to manifest Doom Guy slaying swaths of demons on her own because, really, that's who I'd like to be. Wish me strength!

It’s been awhile since I updated last, so it’s time for a new blog post! I don’t have anything crazy or cool to report, though. This time of year always seems to be so unpredictably busy. Even if I avoid making plans, something always seems to come up. ^^;

My new job is going well. It’s been a bit of an adjustment to be away from home for so long during the day again. At my old job, I worked 10 - 12 hour shifts consistently, and I got used to that before long. I’m sure it’s just a matter of time. I guess the biggest issue with being away from home during the day is that I come home exhausted. Keep in mind that my new job is not particularly strenuous — it’s just an office job. Still, it’s hard to behave myself for that long lol. Masking is tiring, and it does take a bit of effort to keep quiet and stim in public appropriate ways. Plus, the bright lights in the office have been giving me headaches.

Despite my complaining, I’m sooooo super grateful to have this job, and I won’t take it for granted. I was really desperate while job hunting, and this isn’t the worst gig in the world. It’s not nearly as hard on my body as working in healthcare was.

In other news, I ended up beating the main story of Rune Factory 4, but I decided to put it down before playing the epilogue and getting married, etc. There’s still tons for me to do. The next game I need to pick up is Bravely Default, but I’ve just been too busy to sit down and start it. I have no idea if it’s the kind of game that I can pick up and play for 5 minutes on my breaks. Instead, I’ve been playing The Legend of Zelda: A Link Between Worlds here and there. It’s fun!

This weekend, I am going to go see Alien Romulus in theaters with my partner, and I am CRAZY EXCITED! Alien (1979) is one of my all time favorite movies, and it's exciting to get to see a film of this series in theaters for the first time. My favorites are the original two movies, and everything after that is... OK. Covenant was the first Alien movie I saw in the series, though. Having rewatched it the other day, it's still pretty good. It makes a lot more sense now that I've actually seen Prometheus LOL! I am okay if this new film goes in a new direction, though.

I think my main criticism of the last two films is that they're interesting in concept, but they fail to deliver thematically. If it were MY movie, I would definitely lean into the themes of perfection, especially when it comes to the androids vs xenomorphs. In Alien (1979), the xenomorph is described as 'perfect' which in itself is interesting enough to explore. Perfection is such a subjective concept. It says a lot about the world of Alien that an unkillable and extremely lethal being is the pinnacle of perfection. The focus on the androids in Prometheus and Covenant could have been a really cool juxtaposition against the xenomorphs. Could an immortal being like David be considered perfect?

I'm totally talking out of my ass, and I don't think that this is much more coherent than the themes of Prometheus. This is just the kind of thing I think about when watching these movies lol. I love blood n gutz and Sigourney Weaver kicking ass as much as anyone else. As long as Romulus follows the spirit of what makes the Alien movies fun, I'm sure I'll enjoy it.

Anyway, I want to work on getting a new comment system working before my next post. I was using Ayano's comment box which is a great option if you don't have access to PHP. But since I moved hosts, I DO have access to PHP scripting and other more advanced features of webmistressing. It's just a skill issue that I can't figure out how to install anyone's pre-made system, let alone make my own. Oh well! I'll see what I can do before next post.

I always feel a little melancholy once mid-August rolls around. Summer is my favorite time of year, so it’s always sad to wave goodbye to the few months of warm weather we get in my neck of the woods.

I hope everyone is having a good summer!

Current Status

Mood: Hopeful

Listening: Ghibli Ambience

Watching: Aliens (1986)

Playing: The Legend of Zelda: A Link Between Worlds (2013)